busy bee

Hello there :)

So as you can see, my entries have been pretty sparse as of late. I am amazed at how busy my summer has been despite the fact that I'm not working. It gets a little exhausting at times, especially since I'm just not feeling as mentally sharp as I used to, but I am enjoying myself.

My 22nd birthday was last Saturday and I had a very eventful weekend of celebration. Friday night my family, Dan and I went out to my favorite restaurant, La Toltecca, for birthday dinner. Then we came back to my house for cake. Normally I ask for hot milk sponge cake, but this year I decided to do something different and just asked for a plain vanilla cake with vanilla ice cream. Not the most unique choice, but it was deeeelicious. Mom put some red food coloring into the homemade icing and decorated the cake with pink drizzles. Yum yum :)

On Saturday, Dan took me out to brunch. That was an interesting experience. Everyone always asks me if my wig has ever fallen off on its own out in public. Up until my birthday, it never had. haha! We were seated outside and the sun was pretty bright, so Dan got up to adjust the umbrella above our table. When he went to sit back down he accidentally bumped my head and sent the wig flying. Needless to say I got some pretty strange looks from the people seated next to us. Dan quickly scooped up the wig and I put it back on. I was cracking up. I know Dan felt bad, but it really wasn't a big deal.

I was pretty exhausted when we got back from brunch, so I napped for a few hours before hitting the road to see my roommates up in New Jersey for Annette's graduation party. I got up there kind of late, but thankfully the party was still in full swing. Annette's family is so much fun! They had a birthday cake for me in addition to Annette's graduation cake :) We went swimming in their pool in the back yard, played with Annette's adorable Bichon Frises, and ate tons of food. The next day we all went out to breakfast at a diner (how very Jersey of us). All the waiters had the exact same weird spiked hairdo...perhaps some sort of north Jersey trend? I got pancakes, which were delicious. We all went back to Annette's house where she presented us with our graduation gifts: framed pictures of the 5 of us roommates. One picture was from the first month of senior year and the other picture was from graduation day. I love them!! After saying goodbyes to my friends and Annette's family, I headed back to Delaware.

That night Dan's family invited me over for some corn on the cob (arguably my favorite summer meal) and burgers. They decorated my chair at the table with birthday balloons and gave me a gift card to Accent Music! I am heading over there today to pick out some new sheet music for my piano. Dan also got me a brand new book of Classical Favorites for the piano. I am working on learning Moonlight Sonata and Chopin's Raindrop. Raindrop is Dan's favorite piece and I have always wanted to learn Moonlight Sonata. I am enjoying having my new piano so much :) I haven't been able to play in years since my old one sort of died, and now I'm finally getting back into it. It's been very therapeutic for me. I just wish I had more time to sit and really work on the new pieces I have.

On Tuesday I had round 4 of chemo. Yeesh. What a long day that was. I got to the hospital at 9am and didn't leave until 6pm. I had a CT scan in the morning followed by a chest x-ray, then my meeting with Dr. G, and finally 4 hours of chemo. Everything went smoothly, aside from a few computer system glitches thanks to the darn apostrophe in my last name. They can never seem to find me in the system no matter how many times I register for things. Oh well.

The CT scan was fine, but the nurse forgot to tell me when it was OK to breathe, so I was laying there holding my breath for a really long time before I finally gave up and just started breathing normally. haha. Probably my least favorite part of the day was having to drink all of that yucky barium sulfate. They gave me a berry flavored jug of it first and then a citrus one, but neither really hid the grossness of the barium well enough. I was gagging them down. Ugh. I have to get another CT scan next time, and I'm really not looking forward to more barium. It's not even appealing to look at. It's white and chalky and awful. But if I chug it quickly, it's not too bad.

My appointment with Dr. G went well. I am continuing to gain weight, despite my best efforts. I really hate that aspect of this treatment. No matter how well I try to eat or how much I try to exercise, I seem to be ballooning up like a tick! I have gained about 15 pounds since the start of my treatment, which is pretty depressing for a 22-year-old girl who is also bald. haha But I guess gaining too much is better than losing too much. Dr. G said my weight gain is a side effect of the steroids that I'm on, and my weight should return to normal once I'm done treatment. That could take a while though because steroids can remain in the body for up to a year. Good grief.

Reviewing my CT scan, I was finally able to see a detailed image of the progress of my tumor since my first scan back in May. I have lost all but a small mass that remains in the center of my chest. Based on its appearance, Dr. G believes it is likely to be only scar tissue, but we can't be sure until my next appointment when I will get at PET scan. The PET scan will show us if there are any cancerous cells remaining in my body. If there are, I will probably be headed for the stem cell transplant.

With regard to the transplant, I had a very interesting phone conversation with a girl named Amy who is from Kentucky and was matched with me through the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Amy was 25 when she was diagnosed with diffuse large B-cell NHL, and has now been in remission for 2 years after receiving chemo and a stem cell transplant. We were shocked to discover that there were many bizarre similarities between us. Both of us had tumors that covered our chest cavity and crushed our left lungs. Her lung had completely collapsed, while mine was about 3/4 collapsed. She was stage 4 though because cancerous fluid had already leaked into her lung. Mine thankfully had not.

Amy explained that she opted to do the stem cell transplant because her doctors said it would up her chances of being totally cured from about 50-60% to 80%. Based on how far along her cancer was at diagnosis, she was at high risk for relapsing and was thus a good candidate for a stem cell transplant. I am sort of in the same boat. Getting a transplant would clean my body out of all my old white blood cells and replace them with young healthy stem cells, but it comes at a hefty price. There is a mortality risk of 3%-30% depending on whether you receive your own cells or donor cells. I would be receiving my own, so the risk is lessened. The bigger problem is that after receiving the high doses of chemo involved with the transplant, it is unlikely that I would ever be able to have my own children....::sigh:: That always seems to be the way with this treatment. It's a constant weighing of risks and choosing the lesser of two evils.

For Amy, getting the transplant appears to have been the best course of action. She was hospitalized for 3 weeks and was out of commission for about a month after she returned home, but she has been cancer-free since. She told me to plan on taking about 2 months out of my life if I decide to go ahead with it, which would mean I would have to defer law school until next year. The school does not allow first year students to start in the spring, so I would lose an entire year of courses. I won't know if I am going to go to law school or have to get the transplant until my next chemo appointment, which falls just a few days before my first day of orientation at Widener. So as of now, things are just hanging in the balance. I am hopeful that I will not need the transplant, but I am also worried about the possibility of relapsing and having to go through all of this again if I don't get it. Decisions decisions...

Since I don't know yet if I am going to get this transplant or not, I have been moving forward as though I will be attending school full-time in a few weeks. Dad and I have been contacting the Dean regularly to update her on the situation, and I have already received homework, readings to prepare, and my class schedule in the mail. If I start, I will be taking 4 courses for a total of 15 credits. I will have 2 classes a day every day except Wednesdays when I have 3 and weekends. Orientation is set to begin on August 14th. Aaaah!! Time is running out and there is so much I still want to do this summer.

Thankfully I was able to book my birthday trip with Dan to Gettysburg, PA. Dan is paying for us to spend 2 nights at a beautiful farmhouse bed and breakfast located 9 miles from Gettysburg near the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. I spoke with the innkeeper on the phone yesterday and she sounded so nice! Our trip is scheduled for August 6-8, and we plan to explore the historic battlefields, go on a ghost tour, and maybe do some hiking or bike-riding while we're there (or perhaps even horse-back-riding?? we shall see). I can't wait!

Anyway, it's time for me to run to the post office and get some things done. I have been trying to get birthday thank-yous in the mail and working on presents for my roommates which I am finally sending out today. I made them mix CD's of all of our favorite songs from this year. I think they turned out pretty cute. Tonight I am going up to Philly with 3 of my friends to see my favorite band, Guster, in concert at Penn's Landing and go out to dinner at Dave & Buster's. It should be a great time.

Lots of love to everyone :)

Lauren