finally home

Hello again!

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am FINALLY home from the hospital. YAY!! Keen did a good job of informing you of what was going on. She's a sweety :) Here's the scoop on what happened during my stay...

As Keen mentioned, my first night there was somewhat dramatic. I arrived at midnight with a fever of 101 (not too bad, but bad enough) and was taken to my room to be examined. The doctor on call looked me over and the nurses drew some blood samples and inserted my IV.

Dad insisted on spending the night, but they asked him to go out to the lobby as a courtesy to my roommate: a woman who I would estimate was around 60 and seemed very unfriendly. She was snoring loudly with her TV on when I arrived, so I asked the nurse to switch the TV off. To my disappointment, the woman awoke a few minutes later, turned the TV back on, and proceded to chat very loudly with the nurse, apparently unaware (or unconcerned) that I was trying to get some sleep on the other side of the curtain. When I got up to use the bathroom, I attempted to make eye contact with her and wave hello, but she refused to look at me. I returned to bed and eventually dozed off.

I woke maybe an hour later to the sounds of my roommate throwing a tantrum because the nurses needed to move her to another room. "I WAS HERE FIRST!!! SHE SHOULD LEAVE!! I'M GOING TO ASK TO TRANSFER TO ANOTHER HOSPITAL!!! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" Clearly it didn't matter to her that I was right there in the room :( Thankfully she was taken away, and I never heard from her again during my stay at Christiana. I learned that I had to be isolated because my blood tests showed I was neutropenic: my white blood cell count was too low for me to fight any infection or illness.

That same night, another patient in a room nearby started yelling for help and trying to escape and had to be restrained by security. Apparently many of the patients in the Oncology Ward suffer from confusion because they have tumors affecting their brains. After all of this, I was actually thankful that I was too sick to have a roommate...

The next few days ran together. I slept as much as possible, but the nurses were constantly coming in and out to check my vitals, bring me medications, or change the drugs in my IV. I was hooked up to the IV from my arrival late Saturday night until my departure this after noon, and received a constant flow of saline and antibiotics. These gradually brought my white blood cell count back up to the safe zone. The IV bag was my little buddy, and had to travel with me anytime I got up, so I spent most of my time in bed.

I watched a lot of TV, ate quite a bit (when I felt well enough, at least), and enjoyed visits from Dan, my family, Aunt Kara, Uncle John, Aunt Laura, and Uncle Gary. I didn't have much down time between my visitors and the constant check-ups from my doctors and nurses, but I was glad to not be bored.

Dan also spent the night, as Keen said in her entry, and that was really nice. The nurses sort of looked the other way on the visitor policy, which doesn't allow sleepovers, and certainly doesn't allow guests who wish to spend the night to stay in the room with the patients. They actually let Dan sleep in my room with me! That was great. Neither of us slept much, of course, because I was running a fever the whole day/night and had to be checked hourly. Dan helped me carry my IV back and forth to the bathroom and waited on my every need.

At first I was a bit uncomfortable with Dan seeing me such a mess. I hadn't showered, I was wearing a hideous hospital "gown" (more like a bedsheet tied to me with strings), my hair was a rat's nest, my eyes had huge dark circles, and I have a lovely ulcer on my lip because my mouth is irritated by virtually everything I eat. But Dan must have told me "you're beautiful" 20 times. He really made me feel like a million bucks, emotionally, even though I felt physically awful. It was really a comfort to me to have him there during what was probably the roughest night of my hospital stay.

Dan and I had a hard time saying goodbye on Tuesday when he visited me one last time before he left for his backpacking trip to Europe. He wrote me a beautiful letter and made me a CD of songs to listen to while he is gone. They're all songs about being apart but still loving each other. I really am going to miss him this month, but he already called me from London. I know this month will test us both in many ways, but I am not at all worried about our relationship surviving. I insisted that he go on this trip, despite his worries about leaving me while I'm sick. He will finally get to go on the trip he's been dreaming of since the day I met him, and I will get the rest and time to myself that I need right now. We've been through a lot in 6 years, and I know we will both only be stronger when he gets back in July. This month will be a walk in the park compared to the 4 years we spent apart while we were at college.

Anyway, enough mushy stuff...

On Tuesday morning I received some very exciting news. First, here is some background info: on Sunday I was taken out of my room (the 1 and only time I left the room during my stay at the hospital!) for chest x-rays. Afterward I asked the doctor if he would be able to tell from the x-rays if there had been any shrinking in my tumor. He explained that this was unlikely. Regular chest x-rays are not detailed enough to detect subtle changes, and since it had only been a week and a half since my 1st round of chemo, he said there would probably be little, if any, shrinking. He compared my cancer to a freight train, and said that it is more likely that the tumor would have grown a bit more before the drugs had enough time to slow it down.

Now for the good part...When the doctor woke me for my Wednesday morning physical, he told me that he hadn't received my white blood cell counts for the day, but that he HAD looked at my chest x-rays. I was half awake at the time, so what he told me next took a few minutes to really resonate, but I'm going to make it very bold here because it makes me so happy....

"We can already see shrinking in your lymphnodes"

Can you believe it?!?!?! My tumor is ALREADY shrinking!!! This is a true testament to the power of prayer and positive reinforcement. I am SO blessed. SO BLESSED!! You can't imagine how much happy crying I did that day. I called my parents and told them, and they were more overjoyed than I have ever heard them sound in my life. It was just amazing. I've known all along that I am going to be ok, but to hear someone confirm it and tell me that I'm already on the road to recovery was truly astounding.

HOORAY!!!!

Thank you all for pulling for me. Everything you've been doing is working!! Keep the prayers coming. Shrinking is the first step, but the ultimate goal is to be cured.

On that high note, I am going to end this update. There's more I can say about my hospital stay, but I am not feeling too great and really need to get more rest. The doctor wants me to really take it easy for the next week or so, so unfortunately I can't talk on the phone or have visitors. He says this is very important. I really need to just sleep and get healthy. My body is pretty banged up from the lack of white blood cells. I am sore and achey all over. It even hurts to eat :( This is the first time since my treatment began that I truly want to just curl up in my bed and be alone for a few days. I will let everyone know when I am feeling well again. I have been prescribed tons of new medicines that should have me back on my feet soon.

Until then, I love you all. I am so glad to be home!
<3 Lauren